unfollovving:

"how to describe men?"

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verysmalldeer:

nevecampbell:

I just wanna s*** some d***

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL

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idonegaffedit:

i accidentally told my friend the sweetest pick up line ever. i started talking about solipsism (the belief that everything around you was created by your mind) and i went “If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with” she was speechless for a solid five minutes.

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  • 4 days ago
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greathaircut:

to the prankster who put “the moon” as the address on their online pizza delivery order: thanks a whole dang lot. i was up there for like ten minutes just aimlesly waiting, ringing the doorbell, kicking moon rocks around

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  • 2 weeks ago
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voldemo:

"your password is weak"

You’re the weak one
And you’ll never know love, or friendship
And I feel sorry for you

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  • 2 weeks ago
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verylittlebird:

*me in my grave laughing cause nobody knows the r.i.p. on my tombstone stands for rugrats in paris*

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  • 3 weeks ago
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posluszny:

I almost got sacked by the Tiny Linebacker because I didn’t fucking see him

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  • 3 weeks ago
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helpihavesexlexia:

I CANTB REATHE 

SEEING HIM IN ACTION IS SO MUCH FUNNIER

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  • 3 weeks ago
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