i accidentally told my friend the sweetest pick up line ever. i started talking about solipsism (the belief that everything around you was created by your mind) and i went “If everything around me is all my imagination, then you’re the best thing I’ve come up with” she was speechless for a solid five minutes.
to the prankster who put “the moon” as the address on their online pizza delivery order: thanks a whole dang lot. i was up there for like ten minutes just aimlesly waiting, ringing the doorbell, kicking moon rocks around
"your password is weak"
You’re the weak one
And you’ll never know love, or friendship
And I feel sorry for you
*me in my grave laughing cause nobody knows the r.i.p. on my tombstone stands for rugrats in paris*